Since When Was a Grimace a Good Thing?

McDonald’s Premiere Edition McDonald’s Cels
Classic, 1996
Mc6. Grimace

When you grimace, it’s a face you make when you’re unhappy or you disapprove. So what the heck is a restaurant using the name Grimace for one of their “happy” mascots? I guess I can’t say much considering the sign outside bragging about how many gazillions they’ve served no longer gets changed because the number is so big. And we get the point.

I spent many a years whilst in high school and university working at McDonald’s. I signed a waiver when I started saying I wouldn’t spill any secrets (although I doubt it’d hold up in court as I was a minor when I signed it) but I’m about to spill the beans on one thing - what Grimace’s origins. Contrary to popular belief, he’s not a dopey, happy-go-lucky purple blob. At least that wasn’t what he started as. Grimace is a taste bud. How’s that for useless trivia. Jeopardy!, I’m ready.

This card is printed like an animation cel. It’s on a clear plastic so Grimace shows up on both sides. Cel cards were inserted one in three packs of Classic’s 1996 McDonald’s Premiere Edition release. I just got the base set and this insert set rather cheaply. It’s nostalgic fun for me and my glory days working the grill and dealing with whiny children not happy with their Happy Meal toy. I kept telling them, “We change toys once per week. If you come three times in a seven-day span, you’re going to get doubles.”

The Man With No Name

1990 Topps Baseball
414. Frank Thomas “No name on front”

It’s a sad day in baseball as one of the 1990s biggest stars has been released a day after being benched - and as a DH no less. And while Frank Thomas may be a big-name draw for a club struggling at the gate, his days as a star player are likely over.

As a youngster, Thomas was one of the guys who I was drawn to as a new baseball fan. He was a slugger on the rise back in those days, swatting home runs, hitting for average and otherwise carrying the White Sox offense in the post-Baines era.

Today’s card is the infamous 1990 Topps “no name on front” error. I’ve yet to be able to find out where the source of these cards are, whether it be regular packs, rack packs, factory sets or whatever, but they did cause quite the stir when they began to surface.

What’s even more odd is the fact that these cards have been deemed errors rather than printing screw ups, which usually lower their value. Should you find one of these messed up rookies, they carry a hefty price tag, even with the fact that Thomas’ days in the Majors are over or almost over.

Tommy at the Plate

2003 Upper Deck Sweet Spot Sweet Spot Barrel Autographs
AU-TG. Tom Glavine

Bat barrel autographs are cool.

Bat barrel autographs of pitchers seem kind of silly.

Bat barrel autographs of pitchers may seem kind of silly but they’re better than sticker autographs - period.

Mr. Rooney in a Funny Wig

Sleepy Hollow Autographs
Inkworks, 1999
A3. Jeffrey Jones as Reverend Steenwyck

Look, it’s Mr. Rooney with a funny wig on! Jeffrey Jones is one of my favorite character actors from my lifetime. Whether he’s being foiled by Ferris Bueller or churning out the news in Deadwood, there’s always something that he’s up to.

Turns out a few years ago he got himself into a bit of trouble. Jones was accused of hiring a teenage boy for some photographs of a nekid’ variety. One charge stuck, the others were dropped and I could never look at one of my favorite actors the same again.

I guess I couldn’t do that either after seeing him in this frilly wig either, though.

Maybe Next Time Your Master Will Clean Up After You

Mars Attacks!
Bubbles Inc. (Topps), 1962
36. Destroying a Dog

Kick the crap out of the US military? Go for it.

Destroy Washington D.C.? If you must.

Burn cattle? We call it barbecue.

Shoot a dog? Whoa, there.

And a controversial card was born. I wish I’d been born early enough to collect Mars Attacks! Not because of their value on today’s market but because this set just plain rocks. From a kid’s perspective, it’s great because it’s got the gore and violence to make it banned from schoolyards. I had the fun but way too kid-friendly Dinosaurs Attack! instead. And Garbage Pail Kids, I guess. But Mars Attacks! is the one that paved the way for them and set the standard for Pokemon to follow.

Of all the classic imagery, perhaps this card is the most controversial. Violence towards people is pretty normal to see. We eat cows, so that one wasn’t completely shocking. But unless it’s a rabid Old Yeller, you just don’t hurt puppies. Well, this ugly Martian did.

18 and Life and Then Some

2008 Upper Deck Spectrum Spectrum of Stars Autographs
SSS-SB. Sebastian Bach

Back when I was ten Bon Jovi was the stuff. And it wasn’t the cougars who loved him - the girls dug him too. My sister was one of them. She was 13 and figured if she made it to the concert, he’d pull her out of the audience and marry her the next day.

The concert was long sold out and a ferry boat ride away. That didn’t stop my sister from calling the radio station every chance she got. Me - I doubted she’d ever get anything other than busy signal after busy signal. Then one afternoon it happened.

There was a scream followed by an older-sister order to turn on the radio. It was her. She’d bypassed the busy signal and gotten through. She’d won tickets to Bon Jovi. Great - now she really thought her demented Disney Princess fairy tale was going to come true.

The next day my mom came to me with a deal. I - her 10-year-old track-pants-wearing brother was to be her chaperone on this rock ‘n roll adventure. Was I interested? In seeing Bon Jovi - not really. In embarrassing my sister like never before and shattering her dreams. Of course.

Cutting it short. We went, saw Bon Jovi occasionally when he decided to poke his out from the side of the giant speakers our nose bleed seats had a clear view of and witnessed Aerosmith make a surprise visit to come and sing “Walk This Way” sans Run DMC. They also filmed the video for “Lay Your Hands On Me” at this show so I’m told.

With all the excitement of the evening, what caught my attention was the then little-known opening band Skid Row. They rocked hard. A couple months later “18 and Life” became their ballad and a number one hit. A couple months after that, they faded back into obscurity.

Now what’s this I see in the new 2008 Upper Deck Spectrum Baseball set? A Sebastian Bach autograph. No, it’s not the classical composer. Rather it’s the Skid Row front man. Not much else to say other, “Heck, yeah.” Bach joins a line-up of other 80s hair rock rockers on the checklist, which include Vince Neill, Dee Snider, Don Dokken and Jay Jay French. There’s also a few actors (all of whom appear to be short printed) such as The Soup Nazi, The Fonz, J.R. and the evil sensei from The Karate Kid.

Interestingly enough, dayf of Cardboard Junkie predicted celebrity autographs would be the next big thing in the baseball card arena. While I too believe they’re here to stay, I seriously doubt they’re going to be a major force in selling packs. Will there be more spin-off sets like Donruss Americana? Yes and that’s where I think the influence is going to be felt the most.

Bronzed Strawberry

1984 Topps Traded Bronze
182. Darryl Strawberry

Recently I was flipping through my 2008 Standard Catalog of Baseball Cards over a bowl of soggy Special K with Red Berries and a cup of lukewarm coffee and came across this interesting little card. It was distributed as a case incentive for dealers ordering 1984 Topps Traded sets. Intrigued I went and searched one out and found my treasure cheaply on eBay.

The mini-sized card is a beauty. The Straw Man is decked out in a bronze replica of his 1984 Topps card, complete with tiny etched stats on the back. This was a second in an ongoing series of incentives that began in 1983 with a Tom Seaver card. They came in a little baggy so there is a bit of a reflection.

These bonze cards appear to run pretty cheaply all around. I may pick them up here and there over time as they’re something different.